Who would have thought that a baby's smile could reduce me tears? The truth is that it is that very thing that keeps happening. I keep thinking that I'm doing okay, but then my 10 week old baby boy smiles at me and it hits me, most obvious when he smiles he looks exactly like me as a baby. And when that renewed realization comes the stabbing pain through my heart, that my mom will never know she has a beautiful grandson who looks just like me.
I know that there are probably people reading this that are thinking, "But your mom isn't dead! She could wake up and be fine and quickly catch up on everything she missed. God can work miracles you know." All I can say is, stop. STOP!!!!!!!!!! I mean it! I know all you people mean well and I know God can work miracles but the facts are that my mom will probably never be herself again and God probably will not choose to do that particular miracle. Do continue to pray, do continue to offer support, but please, stop spouting off trite phrases at me and my family. It is NOT OKAY!!!! It's most likely not ever going to be okay this side of heaven. My hope is in eternity and my belief that I will see my mom again, whole and herself again in heaven. But to cling to false hopes of her waking up on this earth...it just makes this whole process harder. We go through the grieving cycle over and over again; it never ends. It's not like the usual cycle of grief over a loss. Our loss is a daily battle and every time we get to the end of it, it starts over. Giving us false hope only makes these cycles worse, so please, please, adjust your perspective to where the hope for my mom really lies. Her body may be broken, but her soul is eternal.
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