Losing It

I lost it for the first time at the hospital this weekend. I am usually very in control of my feelings and emotions when I'm there. It wouldn't do to be crying away with all of the staff in and out of the room. Saturday, however, I think I was really struggling. I was tired, I missed my mom. I was holding my 3 1/2 month old baby boy up for her to see and she just stared at him like he wasn't there. I lost it. I looked back at my husband and the tears were just running down my cheeks. I don't have perfect composure. Just because I can compartmentalize my feelings so much of the time does not mean I'm not affected by the sorrow. It gets to me in little ways just like it gets to all of us.