Doctor Depressing

Today my dad and I had our second meeting with my mom's team of doctors. They come around the ward doing rounds and reports every 2 or 4 weeks depending on the patient. Family members are invited to come and hear the report and then ask any question they wish. It didn't help that I had one day's notice to find someone to watch my three kids, including a four-week old, but to make it worse they were an hour and ten minutes late showing up...thanks for asking us what time we wanted to do this! Why did they bother? The worst part, by far though, is that I walked out of that meeting and out of the hospital wanting to scream, yell and throw things. Their diagnosis and prognosis is increasingly discouraging and while that may be reality and not their fault, they just come across as plain depressing. After a talk with them my mom's situation seems completely hopeless with no chance of anything ever improving. I leave the meetings feeling devoid of happiness, feeling like the weight of despair will never lift. It is one thing to hear these reports second hand, quite another to be one of the people sitting there hearing directly from the doctors. The head doctor even went as far as to say it was unlikely he would be in favor of the experimental treatment that our family has read about as being not widely used, but somewhat successful in treating patients with brain injuries. (FYI hyperbaric chamber...high pressure, high oxygen) Thanks for nixing our suggestion before even researching it...though he did say he would look it up.

Driving home after the meeting this morning, I was completely discouraged. I feel like there is no hope of things ever improving and I wonder at all the people who keep telling me to have hope. Do these people (some of you all) really believe that my mom is going to miraculously wake up, or are they just saying these things to try and encourage me? Am I feeling more hopeless because I'm in the heart of the matter and hearing the discouraging reports or am I just a pessimistic person? I don't know any more. I used to think I was an optimist, but more and more I feel like I'm looking at the glass half empty, at least in this situation. My more balanced view of things used to be expect the worst, but hope for the best. Now I feel like I've forgotten how to hope.