A Hard Week

The Fourth of July weekend ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would be. For our family it has always been so steeped in tradition that having my mom missing seemed painfully obvious, especially as the one trying to fill her shoes in so many ways. I made it through okay, but it hurt and this past week I have been grieving harder than I have in a while. The smallest things have brought a tightness to my chest or made me burst into tears.

We're going back to the lake for a long weekend starting Wednesday night and I hope it will be good for all of us. I want to buy some annuals to plant where my mom always did so the rock-ringed beds don't look so empty. It also makes me feel better knowing my dad won't be alone. I have a harder time when I know he's away and by himself...after all, anyone who has an affinity for the adventures he's encountered could find who knows what sort of situation to get tangled in...thank goodness he's such a good sailor in that sailboat of his!

As I said before, a hard week. Sometimes I feel paralyzed and unable to do anything. Sometimes I'm driven to frenzied activity. Sometimes I just ache, sometimes I feel downright depressed. I know it's all normal, but the knowing doesn't change the feeling.