When we are in the crucible being refined, we cannot see the other side, the purpose or at least the peace. We have to wait until we are out of the flame. I think it is safe to say that I no longer reside in the flaming crucible any more, but neither am I lying in green pastures. As I thought about it I realized that for me at least there was the fire and there willhopefully some day be green pastures (or at least a small patch of greenery) and in between those two things is a long expanse of desert. The desert isn't nearly as painful as the fire, but it is much longer. Right now I am wandering around in my personal desert trying to make sense of life, trying to find my way to some sort of oasis, to no avail. I don't know how long I am meant to wander here but it is very lonely and empty. I feel abandoned and left to fend for myself, unsure of the way and unsure where God went.
As a Christian I have been taught for many years now that Christ is out sure foundation. He is the rock upon which we should build our lives. When we have a solid foundation we can be shaken but not destroyed. Well, it's true. My foundation has held, but it's the only thing left. It's as if everything build on top of it has been washed or burned away and all that's left arew those pillar stones. I would be nothing without them and so I am thankful for them, for Christ. Still, I have no idea how to rebuild, no idea where to even begin in reconstructing that which should reside above the foundation. Perhaps that is God's job, but thus far the stones look bare to me.
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