Finding A New Normal

There are many things that people ask me that my reply to is...later, after we find a new normal. I suppose that is impossible in a way. What is "normal" in our lives is constantly changing. We are in flux as our children grow, friends come and go, seasons change, we get older. I guess my best argument then would have to be that I need to reestablish my life, who I am, my relationship with God and our time/energy/emotions as a family without my mom being present in all of it.

Those of you who read this blog may be under the impression that I am miserable all of the time, but that isn't true. I am sad, yes, a lot, discouraged, angry at times, and sometimes I feel very lonely and dark. I am trying to push through it though, to move on and to enjoy life. Part of that is finding things to do, ways to push myself towards happiness, holiness and healing.

This year my oldest is in preschool. That means that three mornings a week I attempt to be out the door at 7:45 am with all three children and myself dressed and fed...HA! If I'm going to be out all morning I somehow make it happen, if not, well, let's just say this morning that only 1 1/2 of my kids were dressed. (Cassie had her shirt on top and pj's on bottom!) I think that getting out of my house helps me though. I'm also involved in Tuesday Morning Women's Bible Study at church, for which I've even agreed to lead a small group, a) because no one else wanted to, b) I thought is would be a good thing to help me grow right now and c) Admitting that I have no idea what I am doing and don't have any answers automatically qualifies me, right? Being on the Nursery committee, especially now when we no longer have a paid nursery director, is also giving me something to channel my energy into. Add occasional play dates, errands, trying to keep my house clean (HA again, I hate cleaning and organizing), and even having people over for dinner occasionally and I can at least say I'm trying to move on and live life. It isn't always easy, but I'm trying to keep busy, keep moving, and keep living my life with as much joy as I can muster.