1 year

You didn't think I wouldn't post today, did you? Of course I am. I gave my testimony at the Women's' Retreat on Saturday and it actually went really well...part of the healing process I think. I also knew that I had the support and prayers of many behind me.

But that was then and today is today. The memories have flooded back over the past 24 hours and I'm sure will continue to do so over the next few days. I suppose I should tell the story - it's out now that I talked about it on Saturday - but I'm not really up for it tonight. Maybe I'll write it out tomorrow, maybe another day. But it has been one year since I last saw my mom alive and vibrant, talked to her, hugged her, enjoyed time with her. She may have died in May but I lost her an year ago tonight. I just hope I don't hear any sirens tonight (we live near the fire station) because if I do I'm sure to have nightmares.

People have been kind. I've received notes and e-mails as well as words of encouragement in person. People received my testimony so kindly and have been sensitive to the tough anniversary that this is. If you are one of those people, thank you.

I didn't do as much as I should have today. I thought tomorrow would be harder, but today was surprisingly difficult. Tomorrow I have no great aspirations. I have someone bringing us breakfast and I plan to read, sleep, cry, eat or whatever I need to do. Do I sound pathetic? I call it coping and I think I'm allowed to be that way for a day. I still have to care for my children so I won't be a completely unproductive member of society. I just need to be able to chill.