Beholden

I'll admit it, I hate accepting help. Unless it's help from a close family member that with whom I'm very comfortable, I much prefer being the helper than the helpee. Ironically, my mother was the same way. This has made the past three months really difficult for me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of the help that people have given us. There is no way we could have made it otherwise. I just feel like I've wracked up this huge debt to people that can never be repaid. I feel like I will have to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to everyone and to me that is a huge burden. I have had so much help from meals to childcare to cleaning to the washer and dryer that were bought for us and it means a lot to me. I know my mom used to help an awful lot of people...there have been so many testimonies to her, and I know she would be happy that people have been helping us. But how on earth am I to live up to her and to all the help that's been provided? I certainly don't feel worthy or capable. I don't have a choice though, and I just hope no one is holding it against me that I haven't written a thank you note to everyone who has helped us out. If I did that I wouldn't have time to do anything but write, there's been that much help. So if you are one of those people...thank you, and please forgive me for not providing a note.