New Year's Resolutions

The holidays are over and I'm a bit relieved. There were some good moments and things went as well as they could, but it was still very hard and I'm glad to have it all over and done with for now. I sincerely hope that next Christmas is easier, but I have no idea how these things go as I've never had to deal with loss on this level before.

All that being said, while I am struggling with a lot right now I am resolved to try and change the tune of this blog away from all my morbid and depressing musings. That isn't to say that I won't ever talk about my grief, my struggles and sadness, as they are an integral part of who I am right now. It does mean, however, that I intend to try and focus more on the positive things in my life, looking at what I have, rather than what I have lost.

I do have three beautiful children. I do have a loving husband. I do have a great dad. I do have my fun-loving brother and sister-in-law. I do have other family. I have some of the greatest friends in the world (you know who you are) who have not just supported me, but walked with me through the darkest hours of my life. Do no underestimate the power of a good friend to encourage and keep you going when you want to give up.

I still feel very confused about my life. There has been a lot of unexpected. I'm not sure where I'm going or where I'm supposed to be. I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do some days. I don't know how to handle certain things. I don't know how to overcome certain emotional handicaps. I don't even know who to trust some days, including God and men. I do know that I will continue to move forward, one foot at a time. I may feel like I'm plowing through an endless desert and other days I may feel like I'm floating through an endless void of space, but I will keep moving.