So you want to know how I'm doing...

I have a lot of people ask me that question, "So how are you doing?" Here's the crux of the matter. I could tell you how I'm "really" doing, but most of you don't merit that sort of answer. The depths of the emotions and feelings I have experienced over the past year and a half have been beyond even what I know how to cope with. And the truth is, it is very difficult for me to be completely honest with the vast numbers of people who seem to pop in and out of my life on such a spontaneous basis that it makes my head spin.

I know that all of us as human beings live busy lives and have things that come up, but if you want to be in my life, please make it somewhat consistent and please communicate with me that you're busy when you are. I can't bare my heart and soul to people who disappear or aren't around when they say they will be. It just hurts too much. I miss my mom like crazy and I'm so lonely. There are days when my kids seem out of control and all I want to do is pick up the phone and call my mom, but I can't, and usually I go through a mental list of who to call and can't figure out someone. It's days like that that leave me discouraged and lower than before.