Waste of time...

I'm pretty sure blogging on here is a waste of my time. Very few people even read this and yet I still have to be paranoid about what I write because if I'm too deep or real about my feelings people think I'm freakin' suicidal or something crazy like that. I guess most people really have no idea what it is like to have your whole world, your whole life, everything you think, believe, hope - turned upside down on you. Add to it the pressures of being a mom of three very young children, a husband who commutes a long way to work, people who say they want to be involved in your life but aren't, pregnancy hormones and ills and insomnia and you have a regular recipe for disaster in the form of loneliness, discouragement and sadness. I really want to be clinically depressed so someone can give me a pill and make me snap out of it, but I really don't think I am. I am so tired and discouraged most days that little things become big deals but I am neither unable to function daily tasks or suicidal. I am just miserable. I love my husband, I love my kids. Without them I would be nothing right now, but all the little ills and discouragements saturated with sadness and loss and feelings of helplessness and worthlessness and inability to control anything so permeate my life that I can't even enjoy the beautiful blessings I do have. It's sad, but I don't really know what to do about it or who to talk to. My husband listens and advises, but I don't listen well to him because I am so close to him. I feel like a burden to those around me, either being realistic and discouraging or a faker covering up and pretending. I'm worried I'm going to screw up my kids with my own thoughts and mental misconceptions. It's a tough life right now.